heavy winds and heavy rains

3:50 am

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 10:52:29 GMT

lonelylonelylonelylonelylonely

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 08:30:39 GMT

my heart's growing heavier and heavier... !

i rode at bike hop yesterday, so much fun. my bike's actually riding well nowadays, i've been getting it worked on a couple days a week at tower bike shop. duane's a badass.

emotionally, bike hop sucked ASS otherwise. so much shitty drama. ugh oh well. i ended the night in tears, what a pussy, riiiite? sheeeeit! heh.

i prefer to ride my bike alone, anyways. it's such a personal thing to me, i guess, so when i ride with others it feels like they have their nose in my business.

I LIVE WITH SARAH LIUBA NOW! =D. i love our apartment. it's so nice not driving 339847392847 to get everywhere. so now that i live in clovis, we should haaaaaaaaaangggggg

look at your eyes, they're small in size, but they see enormous things!

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 08:15:06 GMT

So last time I updated was 57 weeks ago, eep/sheesh…!
I’m sitting outside, under the stars, stealing my neighbor’s internet when I could be appreciating the moon. What an asshole I am! The moon’s so bright tonight.

I’ve been so frustrated about just about everything lately, I actually found myself yelling out of sheer and utter disgust and aggravation today. Sometimes I don’t even know how to deal with everything going on in my life, and all I really CAN do is yell. It makes me feel a lot better actually, and for the few seconds that I’m shrieking like a moron, I forget my troubles.

My neighbor’s miniature horse, Finn, is standing next to me at my neighbor’s fence, sneezing. Quiet Finn! You’re gonna blow my cover.

I’ve lost a lot of self-respect in the past 3-4 months; it’s gotten to the point that I’m willing to play the role of subservient girlfriend, without the title. Is it bad that I’ve just accepted that, and that I’m even okay with it? The whole concept is so subjective anyways, so who knows. I shouldn’t be so submissive, but I’m so utterly willing to be such a great girlfriend. I mean, I really am. I’d be such a good girlfriend.

I want someone I can cuddle and love on and be silly with, without them acting like it’s a chore. I want a boy who instigates being cuddly and sweet, and doesn’t get annoyed when I want to spoon. Gah, it just feels so good to spoon. It’s so consoling. Ack, I’m such a whiner when it comes to this, and it may seem that it’s all I ever talk about, but I want a boy that I can find all redeeming qualities in, who’s well-rounded when it comes to his personality, I guess. I don’t want to settle on someone just because they’re convenient, and I need to put some effort into finding someone who won’t break my heart. I’m 0 for 3 in that department so far. It’s getting old, fuck.

But who’s gonna want to put up with my ridiculousness, that’s the real question.

I’m such a mess, whoever does eventually want to be around and with me is going to be a very sweet, lovely, and patient individual.

Now, to cultivate my self-pity, I’m going to go listen to some Jawbreaker.

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 23:50:48 GMT

HE RRO~~!~`~~!!!!

=). I'M ALIVE, hooray.

=^._.^=

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 00:33:29 GMT

i liiiiiive!
it would be a huge task to update you all on everything that has happened to me since i last posted in here (which seems like foreverrrrr ago), so i won't even try to.for the sake of myself, i'll just continue posting like i never left, hahah.
good times.
i'm single, i don't know if i was last time i posted in here. it's nice, i need to care about myself before i invest in someone else. blahblahblah, larleelarlarlarl..rafsdfnksdjnf
i'm at schooool, i have a laptop, it's lovely.

i killed my sister's aqatic snail yesterday on accident. it was floating at the top of the tank, and i thought it was dead, so i took it out and put it in a plastic bag, and put it in the freezer for her, so she could return it to the petstore and get her $ back (because she had had it for less than 15 days). turns out, it floats like that all the time, and in fact, it was me freezing it to death slowly and painfully that did it in.
i feel so bad! poor snailfriend.

RIP SNAIL

Fri, 11 May 2007 02:15:26 GMT

i haven't been on myspace for about 2-3 weeks now, because i've become afraid of it. fuck me, and fuck my irrational fears, ugh.

i've been nostalgic like crazy lately, and last night it drove me to tears. i cried about the past, what a dumb thing to cry about - it can't be changed, and i'm pathetic enough to CRY about the fact that i don't have the superhuman powers that are needed to change it, heh.

i've been good lately though, and i don't want any of you to think i've died or anything, hahaha. lindapanpan is alive, and she loves you.

i've just been trying to distance myself from myspace/it's drama lately, because i think i a dose of the non-internet-affiliated life is healthy for me right now. i've been doing a lot of reading, and i've been trying to focus on school. man, i love learning. and not even in the overhyped "school iz kool!1" way. like, i really honestly like learning things. pfft, i'm a dorkus, hahaha.

i miss myspace, but linda needs some "me" time, haha. i haven't given any to myself in a long time.

ME LOVES YOU!

<3 lindabear

Fri, 06 Apr 2007 07:37:28 GMT

i'm a complete fucking mess, and i'm tired of pretending that i'm not simply to spare the feelings of others.
i don't know what to do with myself anymore, i really don't. i wish people would do what i want them to, but asking that of people is simply irrational and selfish. but then again, when have i EVER been rational OR unselfish?
jesus fucking christ, i just can't stand myself right now. i'm being such a fucking whiner.
i want to either fast forward 4 or so months, or rewind 6 months, and start things fresh, and more slowly.
fdhsiufhsuilfhsidf;odsf;9uis09ufrwijrljkewmr;ojkoijjoiuoipuoiyiuzhfsdsadasdsfdsjklkjkl;lkj;lk;l;lkll;;;
i keep complaining that i'm bored and have nothing to do, yet i'm getting shitty grades because i dread doing my schoolwork. i wish i could just wake the fuck up and stop being such a MORON.

you should probably just ignore this entry, it's ridiculous.

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 08:13:23 GMT

i'm alive everyone, no worries...!
i've been feeling like i've been alienating pretty much everyone lately, but i promise, it's just a slump, and i'll knock it off soon, heh. my life is just a bit too complicated right now for me to be socializing too much, but don't worry about me, i'm just fine, =). i just need to take some time to think junk through right now, i've got so many things to handle and do at this point, but i hope none of you think that i hate you, because i love you all, awws! =).

i bought a new cd player for my car to replace the one that got stolen, but best buy sold me the wrong wire harness for it, so i have to go back to best buy and get the right one before i can install it. i can't wait to have music in my car again, having to drive everrryyyywherreee without it is driving me fucking INSANE. i HATE driving in silence, or doing ANYthing in silence really, it makes me think too much, haha. thinking shouldn't be thought of as a negative thing, no, but it makes my mind race, and i hate that, boo.

i dunno why i updated thing this, heh, i really had nothing to say, and now i've spent the past 5 minutes typing up the most depressing entry evar, hahaha. but really, i don't feel as shitty as this entry makes me sound like i feel. i'm the same 'ol lindabear, rarrrr! -maulmaul-

i've been missing people a lot lately, bleh, but i can't seem to make myself tell them so. so, if you're reading this, more than likely i miss the fark out of you, but am just too frazzled and weird to just come out and say it, hahaha. i'm a lame-o.

mewmewmewmewmemwkjsnxfjsdnfildnilusnflismafoms;oidfm;oisjdmf, nighty night!

Sun, 25 Feb 2007 23:47:43 GMT

last night trenton and a bunch of our friends went up to table mountain casino, and i vowed not to spend more than $10. soooo, i gave my $ to trenton to play blackjack with (he's reeeally good at blackjack, fo sho), and he won me $15 more! yayay! good times. cashes are great.

also, last night trenton and i went to foodmaxx at about 1:45am, and some drunken women in line behind us asked us (very loudly, mind you):
"ARE YOU GUYS LIKE, EMOS? OR ARE YOU LIKE PUNKSSSS?"
to which i answered: "uhmmm, uhhh... more punk? i guess? i don't know."
she began rambling on about "DEPESHEE MODE!" and the sex pistols, so i kind of tuned out. not only was it embarrassing just to be asked that, but some other kids our age (that looked like they might be into hardcore) walked up behind her in line, and i hoped to god that she wouldn't turn around and see them, but of course, she did.

"(turning around) so are YOU guys emo?!"
one of the guys, obviously joking around: "FUCK YEAH WE ARE! YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK THE PART TO FEEEEEL THE PART, MAN!"

on our way out of the store, i met eyes with one of the guys who she was now barraging with questions, and we both exchanged looks of desperation. le sigh, hahaha.

trenton and i have been sleeping all day, and i just woke up a little while ago. i'm not sure what we're going to do this afternoon, but i know i need to get some schoolwork done, i have an assignment due this week, grr. =/.

Fri, 09 Feb 2007 05:32:47 GMT

okay. so.

i got over $1000 worth of stuff stolen from my car tonight.

i went to my night class at clovis center, and when i got out of class, i discovered that some FUCKING SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE PISS-DRINKER had BROKEN my car window, and STOLE my stereo and about $800 worth of RARE AND LIMITED CDS. FUCK.

honestly. what a fucking dumb cuntfucker. i'm WAY more upset about my cds being stolen than my cd player though, because some of my cds are out of print, and ridiculously hard to find.

they were IDIOTS too, they didn't steal my wallet, and they didn't stel the $500 WORTH OF FUCKING SCHOOLBOOKS THAT THEY HAD TO CRAWL OVER TO GET TO MY CD PLAYER. fuuuuck.
jshfldsuherfelisuhrflesur.

if you see or hear about anyone aquiring a new pioneer car stereo anytime soon, KICK THEM IN THEIR SHRIVELED, BALL-LESS NUTSACK.

FUCK.

SO, IN CONCLUSION: i know a lot of you go to clovis center, i'm just warning you to BE CAREFUL. get to class early so you don't have to park in that shitty mud lot across from the permit lot, mmkay? that's where i was parked when it was stolen. (not to mention it was ALSO where i was parked when someone scratched the FUCK out of my hood last week, fucking shitheads, i swear to chrst...) i guarantee whoever did it will probably do it again, and i don't want you guys to be in the same boat as i am.

i filed a police report, and because i was a smart cookie when i first bought my stereo, i remembered to write down the serial number to it, and they put it in their database for stolen items. that means, if they find a cd player with my serial # on it, i get my shit back, yo.

feel bad for me, i feel violated. =''''''''''''''''''''''''''(

Sat, 03 Feb 2007 03:26:57 GMT

lately, i've been in the frame of mind tht people hate me for things that don't really make any sense. i think a lot of people that i really care about think that i have changed in some way, but i really haven't. i'm still the same old linda, =).

this post is weird and depressing, but don't worry about it, haaa.

this post is also kinda repetitive, but oh well.

linda is a happy girl in this point of her life, eeeee.
i'm treated so well, it's fantastic.

i have a headache kindaish, it'll go away soon probably.

trenton and i are probably going to go to Pet Extreme here in a little bit for mice and bedding and "tank accessories" for his snake, Rocky. i love buying stuff for animals, yo!

Wed, 17 Jan 2007 06:47:37 GMT

so i've come to the conclusion that (so far) i REALLY like college, as mediocre as fresno city is, haha. it's so nice to have mental stimulation again, especially in an environment in which if you talk in class, you merely get thrown out. now that i'm PAYING for schooling, it's made me realise how much i hated highschool because of the people that were there because they HAD to be there, the kind of people that merely waste their free education.

ANYhoo - good times!
=D!

Mon, 15 Jan 2007 09:24:01 GMT

don't you hate it, when you think of something that you need to do online, but the second you get to a computer, you instantly forget what it was?

UGHIGUFYKUYFUYGLH! YARG.

i bought trenton big trouble in little china, he loves that movie. we're kinda-ish watching it right now. woot woot!

i have to go home in 37 minutes, that makes linda a sad panda, =(.

Thu, 11 Jan 2007 05:09:50 GMT

school's been great so far, but i think im going to drop my psychology class, grr.i havent even met the teacher yet (she was gone on the first day because she had jury duty, but i've read the course syllabus), but it's going to cost me the most, and definately sounds very unenjoyable. well, technically, i'm not even IN the class yet (i'm on the waitinglist), but yeah. we have to do a group project, and i'm just absolutely dreading that.

ANYways -

i gotta go, i'ma go paint my nails, foo'.

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 00:17:20 GMT

i had my first day of classes today, it went really really well. i went to sociology, which i was on a waitlist for, and i got in no problem.
then, i had FIlm 2B, which was freakin' awesome. we literally watch movies, and talk about them, and that's the whole class. for an assignment, he said to watch "a movie that contains a word that starts with the first letter of your last name", hahahah. good times.

tomorrow i have psychology (which i'm on a waitlist for, boo), and US history to the year 1877. they're at clovis center (the classes i had today were at fresno city), so i won't have to get up too early, yay!

when i was at fresno city today, i saw tempest godwin and TJ harrington, which was rad. me and tempest talked just like old times, aww.

also, a girl in my sociology class is deaf, so i get to watch a translator stand at the front of the room the whole class, which gets really amusing when your mind wanders. the best part is that he uses ridiculous facial expressions as well, so i have something super entertaining to watch, haha.

oh, in fact,t he same deaf girl is in my film class too, so i get to watch translators in that class as well. they don't make funny faces though, sigh. hahahah.
good times!

my throat hurts, ow.

oh - i shampoo wes and james' carpet yesterday at their apartment, it was SUPER dirty.
ha, that sentence sounds kinky.
ANYways - it was one of the most satisfying things i've done in a long time.

also, last night i installed new linoleum in front of our front door, it looks goooood son. i'm so dyke-y sometimes, haha. i cut my thumb though, which sucks, but whatever. it's a BATTLESCAR, FOO'!

Sat, 06 Jan 2007 05:16:04 GMT

i feel bad, i've been neglecting you fine fellows!
don't worry, i'm alive and VERY well, =D.

things have been going so wonderfully for me, it's soooo ooo o oo o oo nice.

i signed up for classes at fresno city and clovis center, and paid for them today. i also qualify for a fee waiver, so soon i won't even have to worry about paying for them, and i'll be able to get the money back that i already HAVE paid for them. how cool is that?

trenton and i went out to dinner with his mom tonight, it was really really nice. we went to Tokyo Steakhouse, whih is Trenton's favorite restaurant, <3.

i really can't wait for school to start, i miss not learning stuff, and making good use of myself.

as soon as i get y school schedule completely straightened out (i'm on a few waitlists right now), i'll post which classes i'm taking.

lalalalalalladlkljsd;jsad
again, i apologize for not updating more often, i don't want you all to think i've abandoned my trustworthy 'ol ELJAYYYYY. hahaha.

oh, and:
16 days until my birthday!

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 06:30:57 GMT

so, i bought katamari damacy today, trenton and i have been playing it all afternoon, hahaha.

my sister gave me $30 this afternoon, and i have already spent $20 of it, ha. i'm a dumbass.

click here for signs that you've been playing katamariiiiiiiii too much.

hahdkasjhdlsdhfshd

this post just sounds ridiculous, unless you've played Katamari Damacy before. even then, it just sounds goofy.

i want $$ for christmas, so i can get more tattoos. i want a treble clef, and a ketchup bottle, and all kindsa other shizzat.

Tue, 12 Dec 2006 09:14:29 GMT

i'm over at trenton's, and he's playing Call of Duty 3 on his BRAND SPANKIN' NEW PS3. it's completely not overrated.

there was one level in which a nazi pops out from behind a wall, and the graphics were so good that it literally made all of us jump, and shout,"SHIT SON!"

oh sony corporation, trenton and i heart you.
i'm really happy right now, it's really nice.

Wed, 06 Dec 2006 07:18:10 GMT

goodness, i'm getting way behind on my LJ entries!
i havea really horrible headache, and i think it's a result of a new medicationt hat i've been taking lately (ahem), but hopefully it'll go away once i get used to it.
i'm doing laundry, i love doing laundry.

my mom keeps bitching at me to get a job/go to school. i know it's easier to be upset at her for being mean about it, but deep down, i know she's right.
i'm out of money all the time, and i feel like i'm wasting my intelligence, because it's sitting dormant.

i need to go, my headache is getting worse, bleh.

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 09:51:45 GMT

ahh, i'v been neglecting my LJ audience, sorry kiddos!

trenton = fantastic. 'nuff said. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

i found out some really interesting stuff about my uncle on thanksgiving - he and i always talk about music whenever we're around each other, and he came down from San Francisco for the holiday, and we talked a ton. apparently, he was in one of the first punk bands in fresno, and was in another one that opened for the dead kennedys and MINOR FUCKING THREAT. adliushsgflgysdaflu!!!

>>this article<< is about the first punk band he was in, called The Subtractions

here's a 1979 photo of The Subtractions, my uncle is the shifty-eyed guy 2nd from the right, haha:

and here's a flyer:

>>this article<< is about another one he was in that jello biafra from the dead kennedys had an interest in. they were called Nazi Bitch and the Jews, pahahaha. god, my uncle is fucking awesome.

=D.

things are going swell for me right now.

trenton bought me a jelly-filled donut today, no pun intended.
it made me feel like a princess.
a donut princess.
he drools when he sleeps.
i love it.

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 07:34:38 GMT

i changed my own oil/oil filter today, and fixed a belt thing that was squeaking on my car today. hot shit, i know.

also - i have brand new tires, a brand new battery, a partially brand new front axle, a new passenger side front door handle (which i also installed all by myself - like i said, uberdyke!), and bought new transmission fluid and a new transmission fluid filter, which i'm going to get installed next time i get the chance. my car is BAD ASS right now. yay, i love it.

oh, and i got my hair cut today, FINALLY.

i feel so refreshed, and so does my shitty south korean car!

i'll post pictures of my hair sometime in the near future, as well as those hour of the wolf pictures. i'm such a fucking lazyass!

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 00:03:32 GMT

i love the fact that i just sent an email to myself from my own email account, and it automatically went into my "junk mail" folder. oh, the irony.

this weekend was fucking fantastic beyond words.

friday night - hour of the wolf. took assloads of pictures, all turned out awesome, i'll post them soon.

saturday morning (wee morning hours) - making pasta with hour of the wolf, discussing the meaning of life with lance from hour of the wolf. best conversation i've ever had, i'll have to have it with one of you sometime. it really made me think.

saturday night - movies with trenton, wes, jame, carlos, and chris. BORAT = one of those movies that make you cry because it's so funny. it was irritating at points though, because of how ignorant some of the people he was "interviewing" were. conservatives are fucking asshole idiots.

sunday morning (wee morning hours) - robertitos with wes, carlos, trenton, and chris. SO good. spent the entire morning with trenton, on wes and james' couch. haaa.

all day sunday - spent on couch with trenton. best day evarrrr.

sunday evening - went home at 6 or so, almost fell asleep while driving, got home, took off shoes/glasses, passed out on couch.

slept until 1 this afternoon.

<3.

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 13:17:18 GMT

i can't stop humming, and i'm humming nothing at all, just random shit. it's nice.

much unlike this tattoo:

DUR DUH FUR DUR FURRR WEEDZ AWESUM.

haha, anyways...
stuff's been good lately, it's a really nice change.
i like hanging out with Trenton, James, Wes, Carlos, and Chris. they make me happy, and laugh a whole lot. a lot more than i have been lately, actually. i feel like i can be myself around them, and actually feel good about it. they make me feel good about myself.

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 10:06:51 GMT

...because i was laughing so hard.

me, trenton, and carly went to denny's, and i told our waitress that it was trenton's birthday (it wasn't). a bunch of employees sung him happy birthday, and gave us free icecream. it was fucking hilarious. tears were streaming down my face, because i was so embarrassed/happy/laughing so motherfucking hard.

on wednesday night (i think), me, trenton, carlos, chris, james, and wes went ghost hunting in a cemetary, it kicked ass, even though we were there for only about 5 mintues, hahaha. we had to leave, because there was someone nearby, and we didn't want to get caught in a cemetary at like, midnight, haha. shit like that doesn't fly around here.

then, we went to shaver lake, and stood around for about 15 minutes. it was freaking cold, ha.

then, i went back to trenton's, and we watched a couple episodes of Da Ali G show together. then, we proceeded to look at the most horrible shit on the internet, ever. hahahaha. it was wonderful, <3. (inflation is real, Trenton!)

me, trenton, and carly went mini-gofling tonight, it was awesome. i got a hole in one, and trenton got two. carly just sucked.

i'm typing this with gloves on, and i'm doing a bang-up job. yeah sonnnn!

haha, i have to wake up in 3 hours, because i'm going to a marching band competition. i'm so irresponsible. i don't think im going to get any sleep tonight, oh well. what's new.

Mon, 23 Oct 2006 07:19:31 GMT

my self-esteem has been in the shitter lately, blegh.
i've spent the past couple of days at my sister's house, it's been really nice. oh how i love satellite, sigh.
i've been really tired lately, a lot. i think it has to do with me taking my medication again. boooo...
also, i've been losing weight lately, which is a good thing, but i think it was just a result of me being OFF of my medication for so long. now that i'm back on it (my medication), i'm afraid of gaining it all back. boo again.
i FINALLY borrowed my sister's sewing machine, mine's broken. i have a lot of sewing to catch up on.

i got a new hat, it's goofy, i love it.

haha, what a shitty picture.